Monday, 15 April 2013


I'm a lover, not a fighter,” goes the lie.

The great wit and raconteur of our times, Cheryl Cole, stipulated that we have to “Fight, fight, fight, fight for this love (because this love is worth fighting for).”

People will fight for anything. Even Ashley Cole.





"I Feaking Love Science" is what Facebook calls the I Fucking Love Science Facebook Page. It is a Facebook page, and therefore evil in the same way as a removed tumour is evil.

STFU Moffat is a Tumblr named according to the common 'STFU Something' pattern. It collates bits and pieces from around the internet pertaining to perceived sexism and poor writing in Doctor Who and Sherlock. Like most of the internet, it mixes a democratic platform for users to display insight, hyperbole and ad hominem attacks.


Well, technically they're merely collections of text and images that are downloaded onto your computer, so they're only potentially as damaging as a virus or some journalism. They don't have weapons as such. IFLS proclaims itself only to be seeking the funny side of science, and states that if you are taking yourself seriously you are on the wrong page. It has some offensive capability in that it's so cheerful and self-congratulatory it's like being in a hailstorm consisting of tiny, smug, pointy children laughing and clapping about how great they are as they smash you into a puddle of organs and fluid while they tell you how amazing said puddle is because of FUCKING SCIENCE.

STFU Moffat have a lot of good reading on the subject of gender inequality, and also a variety of articles about Steve Moffat, some of which critically and fairly evaluates his writing style, and some of which gives the impression that some people are trying really ridiculously hard to find additional problems.

I Fucking Love Science wins, as it is unremittingly consistent.


4.4 million people follow the Facebook page. Anything from a few hundred people to 20,000 will share things from the STFU Moffat Tumblr.

I Fucking Love Science wins.


I Fucking Love Science allows people who don't understand how things actually work and have only ever invented a type of sandwich that only they eat to join in the big science party that is slowly morphing into something resembling a religion.

STFU Moffat also posts items of related interest to intersectional feminism (race, gender and sexuality issues, for example) while Doctor Who and Sherlock are off air.

When it was revealed that the creator of I Fucking Love Science was a woman, a whole slew of sexist comments ensued. It's almost as if sexism and misogyny prevail throughout our culture.



I Fucking Love Science turns up with its Meme-R-E shields in place, with George Takei operating some behemothic battle machine the size of Chipping Norton (and only slightly less offensive) on its behalf. Robin Ince and Dara O'Brien have been warming up the crowd, and Ben Goldacre had linked them to an insightful blog about something.

STFU Moffat has forty seven articles that initially make valid points about Moffat's use of tropes and the problematic character of River Song, before seguing into a nonsensical revisionist polemic invoking everything from the sanctity of childhood to a joke that got cut from an episode of Coupling. Fortunately it also has the rage of a thousand burning suns and a desire to bring about change, albeit through the medium of linking people who already agree with them about stuff and telling Steve Moffat to shut the fuck up.

The Patriarchy has hardly been dented. Faced with titans of technology and more popular social media users it doesn't seem like STFU Moffat has much of a chance.

On the 'About' section of I Fucking Love Science it says 'If you take yourself seriously, you're on the wrong page.'

STFU Moffat spots a weakness in its rival's armour, and seizes its chance.

'The episode titles have been just rubbish since Steve Moffat took over.'

This bout of incredible seriousness sends shockwaves through I Fucking Love Science's bridge, causing people to fall over and small explosions to go off. George Takei says 'Oh my,' and it's both amusing and sad.

'My teenage sister isn't watching Doctor Who anymore, and it's because of Steve Moffat', insists STFU Moffat, although over the years thousands of teenagers have mysteriously stopped watching a show that requires a sense of fun. The warp core is breached. The Meme-R-E shields buckle and all it takes is one palpable hit.

'It says here that Moffat has asked female writers to write for the show, but obviously he hasn't.'

I Fucking Love Science cannot take this bout of earnest idealism, and explodes in a million billion fragments, some of which will become dust particles, and will be breathed in by other races across the universe, but most of which will be utterly excruciating jokes that make you want to fuck a hacksaw at your parents' funeral.




FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! will return in:

If you have any suggestions for who you'd like to see square go each other in future FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! articles, please mention them below.

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