- Thornton Reed is Thornton Reed, a cigar chomping hospital administrator and ball buster. Despite the occasional dust up, he manages to keep his resident maverick genius – Dr Rick Dagless MD – in check. In his day he was a top surgeon, but then suffered in ‘Nam. He answers to Won Ton. For more information, please consult your DVD of Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace.
- Mr Tumnus is a fawn with a little umbrella and some parcels. He’s kindly, meek, and plays a mean ambient woodwind solo. Despite occasional giggling, he manages to keep Lucy Pevensie in check. He answers to the White Witch. For more information, please consult The Chronicles of Narnia books written by Treebeard from Lord of the Rings. And also that film where James McAvoy made us all question our sexuality with some meek-hot fawnography.
THEY PACKING MUCH HEAT?
THEIR BACK: WHO HAS IT?
NUANCES AND WHATNOT
IT'S CLOBBERING TIME
This is the point where we run all the above information through our highly sophisticated computer program to establish the victor. Remember, this has been done by a computer, so it must be right.
AND THE WINNER IS...
WORST. THREEWAY. EVER.